09-11-2004, 20:02
Hier sind ein paar fundamentale Regeln für den Blues 
If you are new to the blues, or like it but never really understood the why and wherefores,
here are some fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: \"Woke up this morning ...\"
2.\" I got a good woman\" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something
nasty in the next line like, \" I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.\"
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then
find something that rhymes ... sort of:
\"Got a good woman with the meanest face in town
Got a good woman with the meanest face in town
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pounds.\"
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch ... Ain´t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don´t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation
is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state sponsored motor pools
ain´t even in the running. Walking plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin´to die.
6. Teenagers can´t sing the Blues. They ain´t fixin´to die yet. Adults sing the Blues.
In Blues \"adulthood\" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man
in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada.
Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression.
Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis and New Orleans are still the best places to have
the Blues. You can´t have the blues in any place that don´t get rain.
8. A man with a male pattern baldness ain´t the Blues. A woman with a male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg ´cause you we´re skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ´cause an alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can´t have the Blues in an office or an shopping mall. The lighting is wrong.
Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for Blues:
Highway
Jailhouse
Empty bed
Bottom of a whiskey glass (big time !)
11. Bad places for the Blues:
Gallery openings
Golf courses
Jewellery
12. No one will believe it´s the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an ol´ person
and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues ? Yes, if:
You´re older than dirt
You´re blind
You shot a man in Memphis
You can´t be satisfied
No, if:
You have all your teeth
You were once blind but now can see
The man in Memphis survived
You have a trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It´s a matter of luck. Tiger Woods can´t sing the Blues. Sonny Liston
could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin´ gives you gasoline, it´s the Blues. Other acceptable
Blues beverages are:
Cheap wine
Whiskey or Bourbon
Muddy water
Black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
Perrier
Chardonnay
Snapple
Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it´s a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are
the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely in broken-down cot.
You can´t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Blues names for women:
Sadie
Big Mama
Bessie
Fat River Dumpling
Some Blues names for men:
Joe
Willie
Little Willie
Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Amber, Ashley, Debbie, Heather and Jennifer can´t sing the Blues no
matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. I don´t care how tragic your life is, if you own a computer YOU CAN´T SING THE BLUES, PERIOD !
If you are new to the blues, or like it but never really understood the why and wherefores,
here are some fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: \"Woke up this morning ...\"
2.\" I got a good woman\" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something
nasty in the next line like, \" I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.\"
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then
find something that rhymes ... sort of:
\"Got a good woman with the meanest face in town
Got a good woman with the meanest face in town
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pounds.\"
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch ... Ain´t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don´t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation
is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state sponsored motor pools
ain´t even in the running. Walking plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin´to die.
6. Teenagers can´t sing the Blues. They ain´t fixin´to die yet. Adults sing the Blues.
In Blues \"adulthood\" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man
in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada.
Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression.
Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis and New Orleans are still the best places to have
the Blues. You can´t have the blues in any place that don´t get rain.
8. A man with a male pattern baldness ain´t the Blues. A woman with a male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg ´cause you we´re skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ´cause an alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can´t have the Blues in an office or an shopping mall. The lighting is wrong.
Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for Blues:
Highway
Jailhouse
Empty bed
Bottom of a whiskey glass (big time !)
11. Bad places for the Blues:
Gallery openings
Golf courses
Jewellery
12. No one will believe it´s the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an ol´ person
and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues ? Yes, if:
You´re older than dirt
You´re blind
You shot a man in Memphis
You can´t be satisfied
No, if:
You have all your teeth
You were once blind but now can see
The man in Memphis survived
You have a trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It´s a matter of luck. Tiger Woods can´t sing the Blues. Sonny Liston
could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin´ gives you gasoline, it´s the Blues. Other acceptable
Blues beverages are:
Cheap wine
Whiskey or Bourbon
Muddy water
Black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
Perrier
Chardonnay
Snapple
Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it´s a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are
the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely in broken-down cot.
You can´t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Blues names for women:
Sadie
Big Mama
Bessie
Fat River Dumpling
Some Blues names for men:
Joe
Willie
Little Willie
Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Amber, Ashley, Debbie, Heather and Jennifer can´t sing the Blues no
matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. I don´t care how tragic your life is, if you own a computer YOU CAN´T SING THE BLUES, PERIOD !
